What Not To Wear

The other day on Twitter, I saw this picture of a letter written to an agony aunt:


(Hat tip to @anygirlfriday for the tweet critiquing this nonsense)

My first instinct was to get my big red marking pen and scribble “NO” and “GET AWAY FROM THIS ABUSIVE TWIT” and “YOUR BODY IS YOURS AND ONLY YOU GET TO DECIDE WHAT BITS OF IT YOU DO AND DON’T SHOW”, but that would’ve been a bit of a knee-jerk reaction, and also made a right mess of my monitor. So, instead, I started thinking about answers to the central question posed in this letter – is it ever right for your boyfriend to tell you what to wear?

Much to my surprise, the answer I reached was – yes, sometimes. In the following situations, it is totally okay for your boyfriend to tell you not to wear something:

  1. If your cute summer shorts are made entirely of angry bees
  2. If your sleeveless top is lined with barbed wire
  3. If you’re baring skin above the knee, and that skin has honey smeared all over it, and your angry bee shorts are nearby
  4. If you’re wearing a House Stark sigil in Lannister country
  5. If you’ve borrowed Lady Gaga’s meat dress and you’re both being chased by a pack of ravenous wolves
  6. If you’re going swimming and, instead of a swimsuit, you’ve turned up in six chainmail shirts and boots made of granite
  7. If you’re wearing a high-vis jacket on a covert operation
  8. If your clothes are literally made of skunks. Live skunks. Which are spraying everywhere

But if you’re not in any of these specific circumstances, then, nope. Wear what you like, because it is your body, and your body is no-one’s private property but your own.


About Alice Nuttall

Alice Nuttall is a caffeine-guzzling knitter who divides her time between Oxford and the various worlds in her head. She is the author of a YA fantasy novel, Spider Circus, and three webcomics, Footloose, Cherry, and Black Market Magic, as well as several short stories.
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